Breaking Beautifully
by SnowLion no Miko
Summary: Kallen has always hated admitting defeat...but this was a whole new kind of loss. She lost Lelouch. To her. KaLulu, LuluShirley, oneshot


_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Code Geass!_

_**Summary: Kallen has always hated admitting defeat...but this was a whole new kind of loss. She lost Lelouch. To her. KaLulu, LuluShirley, oneshot**_

_My first attempt at a KaLulu! I decided to make this first Code Geass fic a oneshot...ya know, to test the waters before I sprung out there with a whole chapter fic. This oneshot is an angsty one, yeah...haha. So yesh! _

_So, be kind, review! Haha._

_Enjoy!_

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**Breaking Beautifully**

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Kallen was never the romantic type.

She never dreamed of being rescued by the prince, falling in love, and getting married to the man she held so much affection for it felt like her heart was going to burst. Kallen was too busy dreaming of fighting, becoming stronger, and being the best in whatever she did. She had no time for rose colored delusions, no time for boys, no time for giving her heart away to some man... Not to mention no interest in it whatsoever.

But then it hit her.

Like a ton of bricks, in came crashing down upon her.

_Lelouch._

Kallen would pretend to not notice him at school. The way his violet eyes sparked whenever he had an idea, the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he treated her with respect even when not on the battlefield as Zero.

The way her heart..._skipped_...when he said her name.

_Dumbass._ She cursed herself for admitting to her feelings. Admitting to her love and to her devotion to him. Her will to protect him was strong, no matter what the cost.

She'd give her life for him.

Which was stupid in itself. She knew this but...

That fire in her never ceased. It burned throughout her being, coursing through her veins like a drug. Like the adrenaline pumping through her when she was in the midst of battle.

It was a wonderful, yet suffocating feeling.

Not even when - _It seems so long ago now_, she thought - that she asked him about...her.

_"Lelouch..."_

_He turned, looking at her with those painfully beautiful, dark violet orbs that captivated her beyond all reason, it seemed, "Yes, Kallen?"_

_Her heart fluttered at the careful way he said her name. "You love her, don't you?"_

_He looked away, his eyes downcast, before looking up at her through his lashes with the most heart-wrenching look he had ever given a human being. _

_Kallen had her answer._

Even though Lelouch didn't reply to her inquiry with actual words, Kallen knew what his answer was.

It was a resounding 'yes'.

He didn't reply...he looked so torn...maybe he didn't want to hurt her. Maybe he was just embarrassed. Maybe...

Kallen shook her head. All these _maybes _were hurting her head, making her irritated and annoyed, as well as reawakening the pang in her chest that she should've never let get there.

She had her answer. Even now, after all these events had happened it still rang clear and true, like a church bell in her subconscious.

Lelouch loved Shirley.

Even if he wouldn't say it aloud to anyone other than her, it was the painful truth in Kallen's eyes. The truth that she realized to be inevitable.

He loved her...

He loved her...

_He loved her..._

And, everyone in their right mind knew that Shirley felt the same way.

Kallen had been quiet about it, mostly. She never really showed any emotion toward the new coupling. The red haired vixen just smiled and wished them the best. She smiled as if she had never felt that way about him. She smiled like nothing was wrong, like the feeling of her heart practically bursting within her chest wasn't happening.

Like she had never..._loved _Lelouch.

She loved him, with all her heart, and she hated herself for it.

She felt so _weak_ for it.

For loving him.

_Stupid._

That was her basic thought pattern as she walked up the grassy hill overlooking a meadow, to her destination that day. Kallen thought she would be alone, but, of course, she wasn't.

Of course, he was there.

Of all the luck.

The red head was quiet as she approached him. A part of her actually wanted to turn around and go back home, but she came here for a reason, and she didn't want to give up just because _he _was here as well.

The tall, slender man stood in front of a gravestone, looking somberly down at the granite surface. The wind blew his dark tresses around his face and neck, swirling them around his features. The long, black button up coat he wore was also being blown around helplessly, the back end of it whipping around his slim legs, which were encased in a pair of tight black pants. His feet were planted firmly where he stood. Kallen took a closer look and saw that his fists were clenched tightly, showing the tendons from underneath his pale skin.

Kallen got a chill - either from the wind or imagining what his face must look like about now.

She stepped forward, a twig cracking under her foot in the process, giving away her so-called "anonymous position."

Lelouch turned, just as even more wind picked up. And the red haired woman got even more chills, her heart racing, blood flushing to her cheeks, as his deep purple orbs connected with her blue ones.

His eyes were sunken, it looks like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all in at least a couple of days. She could understand why though. After what happened, if she was in his position, she'd most likely be an insomniac as well. His jewel-like orbs were streaked with red. Kallen was pained to even see Lelouch, her brave leader, like this; she inhaled a shaky breath.

"Le - "

"I'm glad you're here, Kallen." He said, his voice like irresistible silk.

Cerulean orbs widened. "Ne?"

Lelouch motioned her to come closer, and the red haired woman complied. The wind had picked up even more, playing with her tawny scarlet locks. The tall grass was shifting around her ankles and calves. Soon, she was at his side, and the close proximity suddenly made her even more aware of how she felt about the strong, capable man.

It was silent for a while, both of them just staring at the gravestone in front of them, contemplating to each other about the person who was there...the events that led up to it...the sadness everyone was feeling...

Kallen had her eyes closed as she let out a shaky sigh.

She dared to open them, just to get a glimpse at his profile, at those eyes she found herself so mesmerized by, at that strong jaw, his lips, his hair...

Her eyes softened with lament at what she saw.

Lelouch was still beside her, his hand clenched at his forehead, fingers curled around strands of his hair, as if he was mad with himself. The other hand was grasping the side of his coat, fingers clenched so hard they were even whiter than before.

Her heart lurched at the sight.

She reached and clasped the hand that was entwined with his coat. Kallen immediately felt the tension dissipate some, and he moved his hand to fit into hers, fingers mingling together; Kallen's breath caught in her throat.

"I'm here, Lelouch." She comforted, though it was quite hard to articulate her feelings into words. "I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Kallen."

The blue eyed woman smiled softly at his gratitude, but there was one thing that pricked at the back of her mind as she squeezed his hand harder, almost afraid to let him go.

Though she felt closer to him now, she couldn't shake the feeling that...that...

That when Shirley died, Lelouch's heart had been buried along with her.

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_**End. **_

_Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Wow, I must have some penchant for writing grave scenes...this is like my third one. Sad, I know. Well, I just had to get that angsty plot bunny OUT! And it is. And I hope you enjoyed it. _

_It's my first attempt at a KaLulu, as well as first attempt at Code Geass. So please be kind with your reviews! It would mean a lot! Haha. I hope it wasn't too bad or OOC or anything. (smiles) Gomen if it was!_

_Anyway, please review! _

_Arigato!_


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